Tackling Controversy

“People must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation (Martin Luther King).” (Komives, and Wagner). What a quote Cecilio Alvarez would use to start this chapter. No matter what conflict there is in a group(s), the members of the group(s) must with every effort, strength, intelligence and resources find a way to address the conflict peacefully. Many a times, groups try to address conflicts by assigning blame to a member or another group. This makes it easy for them to direct all harshness, anger and frustrations on that person or group. Chapter 8 of Leadership for a Better World brings to light a very important aspect of group operations that for a long time has been an inhibiting factor for groups progress be it local, regional, national or continental.

After reading the story involving the gorillas, it was not a difficult task to link the moral of the story to the lives of student organizations on campus, especially the Greek community. Most houses have inherited disputes against each other and none of the officers try to work towards addressing the issue. I remember last Greek week, when the pairings came out one of our alumni told me we got the worst pairing. I asked why? He said the big guys in the pairing will not call us out for anything; they would make all the decisions and impose t-shirt fees and all on us without thinking of our number because they don’t care. I told him the community was becoming more united so if that happened during his years it does not guarantee it will happen this year but it didn’t take long for me to say he was right. This trend of neglecting smaller chapter by those houses started a long time ago and it is going on but when any batch of officers experienced it they let it live and it has become some sort of tradition which will live long if it is not stopped. My house was not the only house, the other small house in the pairing experienced it too so the two presidents took the initiative to tackle the issue, confront the houses about it. We sent the presidents an e-mail expressing our feelings and requested we all sit down as chapter heads to clear this issue; we had to end the trend. We got a reply back which turned all that we expressed against us. So we dropped everything. My point here is, since we did not come together to tackle this controversy in a civilized manner it still persist. Their reply was definitely retaliation but MLK says we must evolve a method that rejects retaliation. There are many instances of inheriting conflicts in chapters and between chapters. The question we need to ask ourselves is; How can we address conflicts using methods that reject revenge, aggression, and retaliation?

One way is for us to confront these issues head-on. I sometimes think that we are afraid we could worsen the case so we live it just as it is and walk pass with our letters boldly on us saying we are Greeks. Learn Lead Serve – we have to learn to accept that since nobody’s perfect there will always be some sort of conflict but what leaders do is to confront the issue, touch on each side of the story and come up with the best solution which all agree with and not just anything that can work. During my term as president, this quarter has been the toughest for me because on top of my 3 jobs, four critical classes I am probably barely going to pass 2 of them, my brothers are angry at me that I am not doing my job. I am not present at every event we schedule, so we had a round table to talk about this and I couldn’t speak because every one of them was accusing me of not being at the house. Wait! Did I not at the beginning of the quarter tell you guys I would be very busy this quarter? So why these accusations, OK fine I am not able to make it to some of these events but none of you take the time to come to my room, text me, call me or e-mail me whatever goes on. My words started going on the track of retaliation so I stopped and with the help of our adviser we came to a conclusion that fits everybody. This is what the model is talking about, it’s not for brag but when I read this chapter I felt we did a good job though knowing the issue could be sensitive we help our horses and acted in a civil manner to resolve the issue. When I realized my responses were coming out as if I wanted to defend myself, thus retaliate to what they were saying I stopped talking and listened. I just hope brothers would be brothers and understand when a brother really needs to take care of some responsibilities other than join them play beer pong or hang-out.

How do we know if we are heading towards a positive or negative end with tackling controversy with civility? When we realize that the discussion is becoming some sort of a debate, or some are taking sides and not willing to accept another person’s point of view, it will be probably be ok to shut the discussion down and try another time because time will be wasted and the group will get nowhere near solutions for the discussion.

Do I really know myself?

Knowing oneself is the foundation of a journey into deeper leadership. Being self-aware makes one more effective in working with people, it helps one to see how their behaviour affects them positively or negatively. One gains a better understanding of themsleves as an inducement for influencing others.
Being aware of oneself means one is aware of their own culture, values, virtues, personal style, skills and aspirations and that of others and their society at large. It also means that one is aware of character, weeknesses and stregths as well as their ability to be a self-observer who is mindfull of their actions, feelings and beliefs. Consciousness of self as defined on page 302 of Leadership For A Better World implies an awareness and acknowledgement of those relatively stable aspects the self that makes up a personality: talents, interests, aspirations, values, concerns, self-concept, limitations and dreams. One question need to be asked though: Is being conscious of oneself the same as being self-conscious?

I considered them the same until I read this chapter. For a long time I thought I was being conscious of myself not knowing I was lieing to myslef and the people around me. I was actually being self-conscious of myself because as I reflected on the difference between the two on page 301 I fit in the shoes of someone being self-conscious and not conscious of myself. When I find myself in a new group or environment, I do not become actively involved very quickly because I worried about what the people around me are going to say. I would not answer questions in class even if I knew what the answer was or had a guess because I feared the other students might think I'm trying to show of or I am not smart because my answer was wrong. I would stay calm and quiet until I am familiar with the place and I have become convesant with most of the people using my magic "Eddie Murphy" smile. Now I have read, I believe I understand a bit what knowing myself means; it means that I know who I truly am, what I am good and not good at, and I use it as my drive to act confidently and naturally because I know what I can and cannot do so i do not need the approval of others before I act.

For a leader to be the best of themselves, the must have a deeper sense of who they are. Self-awareness is a critical tool or necessary ingredient for effective leadership. In a study described on page 302 of Leadership For A Better World , self-awareness affected the process of learning to see oneself as a leader along five dimensions; (1) deepening self-awareness; (2) building self-confidence; (3) establishing interpersonal efficacy; (4) applying new skills and (5) expanding motivation. In applying these dimensions to myself as I am going through this process of learning to see myself as a leader, I have gained a deeper understanding of myself as I continue to work with diversed group of people either on individual basis or in an organization. As I continue to gain a deeper sense of myslef I also gain more confidence in myself. Being confident in  myself has helped me step out of my circle of comfort to take up responsibilities taht I would not have done in the past when I was self-conscious of myslef. This helps me focus my strengths into all that I am doing baring in mind what my limits are and not being over confident. Self-awareness has also affected the way I work with people individually or in groups. For example, in my job as an instructional aide, I encounter many types of students; some very smart they make me question myself, some are average and others not so good with mathematics. If I stood infront of the class and taught as if the class was made up of only one type of students then more than half of my students would hate math for the rest of their lifes. Being aware of myself helps me to communicate with the students at a level where none of them feel left behind and even if they did they know my door is always open for them to come for help. Being aware of myself has helpes me identify some of my weaknesses and it has also helpes me devise ways to tackle these weaknesses. It also helps me channel my strengths, that is one of the reasons why i want to be teacher. When I realized how beautiful math is, it increased my love for the subject and there I decided to become a teacher in order to share this passion, joy, excitement, life... I get in math with my surrounding. All these dimensions go back to back, as I gain deeper and deeper sense of who I am, it builds my self-confidence, helps me establish great interpersonal efficacy, helps me identify my weaknesses and strengths and how to use my skills and creativity on them, as these go on and on it re-affirms what I know of myself and acts as a source for expanding motivation.

Just as there is more to me than the human figure everyone sees, so it is with everybody so I will follow through with Katherine Mansfield's quote " I want, by understanding myself, to understand others, I want to be all that I am capable of becoming."